THE FINAL 10%
Sometimes it feels like things are happening only on the subtle level… There are no major breakthroughs to share and some projects just need that final 10 % to be complete. For me, and I hear that it’s only for me, that’s the hardest part. Why?
Well, there might be that one piece of the puzzle that doesn’t quite want to fit into the originally envisioned picture; or there are still things you need to learn before finalizing your project, or you just need to accept that sometimes you don’t have to have all the pieces of the puzzle together to launch a project! For a recovering perfectionist (me), this is quite challenging! And I observe that it is not only because I want things to be ‘perfect’ but because I am afraid of not being able to improvise on the spot when push comes to shove! And you know what? The reality is that I have always been able to improvise and invent a solution right on the spot! So where does this irrational fear come from?
SELF WORTH
The first obvious answer would be self-confidence. However, underneath that, I found the feeling of self-worth. Why self-worth? Because if you feel worthy, you also feel worthy of trusting yourself and being confident that the decisions you make are the best you can come up with at a given time. And really, that’s all you need! Not a perfect decision, just the best decision you can make in a given moment. You know what? This is awesome! I realized it as I was typing this paragraph! That’s why I love sharing my insights and experiences with you because first and foremost this blogumentary is my own teacher and a way of reflecting on my actions and a way of being.
Another thing that is coming up to the surface, and is also connected to the feeling of self-worth, is receiving. When most of your life you have been primarily a giver and only now are starting to feel worthy of receiving (compliments, gifts, financial reward for your work…), it is reflected in all aspects of your life – personal and professional. I’m observing that one of the reasons I have a hard time completing the last 10% is to allow myself to receive the rewards for my hard work. Because I tend to be so hard on myself and I want my ‘product’ (whether it’s a song, a performance or a workshop) to be top of the line, I tend to either procrastinate or feel unsure about the finalization and so also the reward to come with it. But that’s when deadlines come in handy 🙂 Then I have no choice but to face it and receive it! Yay!
THE INNER FLAME
Another thing that I have observed when starting to do something new that challenges my self-confidence and self-worth is this feeling of feeling really small, shrunk, as if I had a deflated baloon in my chest. And every time I take a deep breath, I feel like there is sooooo much more potential for that inner expansion than what I’m feeling at that moment. And I have found that the only way I can get more air into that baloon is by experience – i.e. by doing that which I fear (the most). Another metaphor would be that of an inner flame – at the beginning, the flame is barely smoldering, and as you keep adding more oxygen (experience) to it, it turns to a fire and eventually you can share that warmth and light with the world (unless you let your ego take control of the flame and let it consume you).
MESSAGE OF THE SONG – SONGWRITING WORKSHOPS
So what have I been really talking about in this entire blog? There are several projects that I am looking at finalizing right now but the no. 1. are my songwriting workshops. You can find out more about them here – www.messageofthesong.com. I really believe in the concept I’ve developed and am planning to start offering them very soon! So stay tuned for more info about the dates and the locations!